(no subject)

[tomakeanoffer]

So, one of the things I realized after last week was that I was isolating pretty badly. I have not been talking to people, venting, or doing any real communication beyond surface level stuff for a long time now. I'm trying to get better but I'm likely going to need to work at it since I've kinda shut down a lot of my ability to talk at people in a meaningful way.

Which is to say I'm going to try and use this journal for more than occasional random updates and Friday posts. I don't know how good I'll be with it but I really want to try and be more communicative.

As I do that, I'm also going to try and make myself more available. So, if you want my Discord is linked below. Feel free to add m and I do the adding thing back. I don't mind being spoken to or poked at, I just am bad at starting conversations sometimes.

tastetheabyss#1274

And yeah, this is also a note to say that yes, I am still alive and trying to be okay. I had a psych appointment today that went well and therapy yesterday that went...okay, I guess. We'll see how that goes.

I'm trying though, guys. I really am.

Comments

[worlds_of_smoke]

I'm glad you're trying. <3

[tomakeanoffer]

<3

[yhlee]

*support support* Thinking of you, and feel free to email me at any time. If I'm slow to respond, it's probably because my home internet is out again.

[tomakeanoffer]

<333 No worries at all. I consider emails a 'get to it when you can' sort o deal. Instant communication is a sometimes food, you know?.

[dine]

I'm glad you're trying - it's hard, but hopefully will get easier

you know, you don't have to have ~serious~ content to post - quick updates on thoughts/activities are great. and posting makes doing it again somehow easier. don't get discouraged if you don't post on some mandatory schedule; if you skip a day (or more) because life, do it when you can. and if you can't come up with anything personal you want to share, post recs for songs, TV/movies, fiction - even just a list of links to stuff online that intrigues - all of those are a method of communicating and saying "I'm still here"

[tomakeanoffer]

*nodnod* I just....got drained, tbh. I stopped being able to really know how to talk to people with words in a manner that made any sense to me. My brain just kinda shut down at hte idea of interaction as a whole and yeah.

[leiacat]

I don't discord, but I love your user name. (Mostly because the notion of licking the abyss fundamentally appeals).

Tons of sympathy on being bad at starting conversations, as I'm that way myself.

Looking forward to hearing more from you here!

[tomakeanoffer]

Ha, thank you! It makes me smile and I enjoy it too.

Yeah, my brain kind of forgot how to do conversation or...interaction in online spaces, you know? Depression and bad brains just kind of messed everything up.

[rhoda_rants]

Hiya! Trying is good, keep doing that. I know it's hard. It's hard for me too.

A couple weeks ago, my mom said this to me: "Ugh, this whole day I've felt like there's this fog between me and the rest of the world! Like I'm there, but not there, just going through the motions!" And I was like, "Hmm, that's my normal though? Is that bad? That's probably bad."

Not aloud, but--self-inflicted isolation, it sucks, and it's a hard habit to break. But keep trying. ♥

I have a Discord login somewhere, I got invited to a podcast ages ago, so if I can remember how to use it, I'll add you. :)

[tomakeanoffer]

I have the habit of just...not being present at all sometimes. I disassociate a lot as well as just kind of...muddle through. I survive but don't do much else. Doing more than that is exhausting and I don't have much energy to begin with unless I'm kinda going manic over everything and then all bets are off.

Definitely ping me on discord if you want. I really enjoy the things you post and mean to comment more but peopling just got so hard.

(Seriously though, horror and horror adjacent people are excellent to have in my life, as my partner cannot do much horror.)

[rhoda_rants]

Yeah. I've started doing this thing where I remind myself of all the things in my life that are actually pretty okay--good job, never worrying where my next meal's coming from, paying off debts slowly but surely--but you really can't Logic yourself into being okay, y'know? Sometimes surviving is all I can do.

Not in therapy myself right now (new insurance, looking for new doctors), but I'm working on it.

Weirdly, horror movies help? I watched Hereditary again last night, and it was both less scary and more sad. There's something about seeing a story that goes, "Okay, how bad can this get? Let's GO THERE." It's oddly cathartic.

[tomakeanoffer]

Yeah, gratitude and ta-done lists are how I sometimes get by. Like, reminding myself that I'm not entirely drowning.

Yeah, I managed to get stuff started with my old insurance but like, ugh I haaate insurance. It's so tiring and yet needed if you want to get anywhere and it bothers the hell out of me.

This is a theme that keeps coming up in my life. Seeing terrible things happen to other people is comforting when it's fictional. Like, it is, in a way, reminding me that it's not as bad as it could be and that I can survive at the same time.

[adafrog]

Glad you had some good appointments.

[tomakeanoffer]

<3 Yeah I'm definitely happy it went well

[teigh_corvus]

I'm sending you so much love and support, dearheart. <3333333

[tomakeanoffer]

LOve, love love.

Thank you so much, starling. <3 You are a good and I am so happy to have you around.

[justastrangegal]

I've been doing the same for the most part...well, when it comes to this journal. Otherwise, I'm doing the microsocial thing, like Twitter or Facebook. ^^;; I hate that I've neglected this place, but I guess it's because I keep thinking I need to use my journal for Epic Entries™, or what's the point. ^^;; The more I distance myself though, the harder it becomes to write. ;__;

[tomakeanoffer]

I feel you so much on this. I find that if I have a weekly thing to do, like my Friday posts, it helps make me consider other things to write in between. If you read, maybe try and do little updates with Wednesday Reads, or Friday Fanfic or something.

[justastrangegal]

I like those ideas! I'll have to implement! XD And gah, I'm sorry for the lateness of my reply here. x__x;; Things have just been too heavy. :\ I hope you've been doing well, by the way! *hugs!*

[alatefeline]

Hi. I am glad to hear that you are still alive and trying to be okay. I hear you about self-isolating; that resonates. Thank you for posting your Discord. At some time that is not tonight I hope to make use of that info. :)

[tomakeanoffer]

Hi, you are adored and I am happy to see you and know you exist. <3 You are also one of my Good Creatures and I am so happy to hear from you in any capacity.

[talkingtothesky]

Just sent you a friend request on Discord :) I'm bad at starting conversations myself but maybe we can figure that out together XD

[tomakeanoffer]

<333333

[sweet_sparrow]

<3<3<3<3

[tomakeanoffer]

*gnaws you and purrs at*

[fred_mouse]

*waves*

Sympathy on the communications -- it takes effort, and it is so easy to let slide.

[tomakeanoffer]

Yeeeeah, is true. <3

[kendiefox]

<3 Yay for good and/or productive appointments.

[tomakeanoffer]

Yes! It was definiutely both.

[novel_machinist]

<3 I am so glad that you are taking the hard steps to heal yourself. You're working very hard and I'm proud of you.

[tomakeanoffer]

This means so much. You are one of the people I admire a lot and hearing that just makes me smile a lot.

[dhampyresa]

*hugs*

[tomakeanoffer]

<333333

[umadoshi]

*quiet hugs*

[tomakeanoffer]

purrs and hearts

[longmagpieroads]

thehistorian is me, love.

[tomakeanoffer]

<33333