tomakeanoffer | Where I've been and why I'm proud I haven't imploded

So, I know I said I'd be back Sunday or Monday but, honestly, I've not had the brain. Things keep happening that leaves me so strung out and unable to cope that I couldn't get my brain together in any real way to even leave a note saying I survived the woods.

On Monday, I woke up to find I was $130 in the red with my bank. I had zero idea where this money went or what could have happened. On closer inspection, I realized my mother, who had not told me anything, had used my bank information to pay her electric bill.

(Note the first: She does not have a job right now and has been pulling money from my account or having us pay part of the phone bill for a little bit now.
Note the second: She has, on more than one occasion, neglected to tell me she's dong to do this and continues to do so, even after I explicitly told her to tell me when she's going to do something like this.)

We spent 8 hours and at least 20 phone calls trying to get in touch with her. I needed to know what she was doing and if she would replace the money she took because I had other things coming out of that account. When I finally reached her, she told me she would put back as much of the money as she could.

By the next day, it had gone up to -$180 and she had only put in $100.

We had just enough to cover the $80 that was left over but we literally have nothing left for the rest of the month.

No food money, no money to pay the co-pay for the doctor I see tomorrow, no money for anything.

I was Not Okay but took drugs and settled down for a bit.

Then today I went to my therapist.

She was supposed to get in contact with us before I went to see her, letting us know that an insurance thing had been worked out. I've seen her five times now? I think? And she was having trouble getting paid.

We tried getting in contact with her on Monday. And on Tuesday. And this morning before we left to see her in person,

No one called us back, picked up when we called, emailed, or texted me.

So, I go in today and asked her if everything got settled.

When she told me it had not been worked out yet,, my brain flipped a switch and I started having a near panic attack. I already owed her $550 and I *do not have it*. We had the session because I thought it might help.

It didn't.

She basically ignored my anxiety and panic over my financial situation, said I was not in any kind of real crisis and sent me on my way. However, we did agree that she won't see me unless "I'm in a real crisis" until we get insurance fixed and that if I was really bad off, money wouldn't matter.

To my credit, I did not actually scream but I did walk out at the end and made a decision to find a new therapist.

So, at this point, I may be at least $625 in the hole and that's not including any other bullshit my mother may or may not pull. She says she'll pay me back the rest of the money she owes but she also *has no job*. I have no idea where she thinks she's getting the money.

Tomorrow, I'm taking steps to A) get a different bank that she has zero access to and B) fill out paperwork for a new therapist.

And oh! The topper on this shitty cake? Apparently, because my mother is so, so in the red, they will likely be taking out money from my account to cover her overdrafts and whatnot and even if I switched banks tomorrow, it takes at least two to three months for the Social Security office to switch where my disability goes.

So yeah, I may just be completely screwed. We'll see!

I'm going to try and move as much into my Paypal account as I possibly can after I cover bills and set up the new back so I can transfer where my checks o but just...I should not have to DO this. All of it is bullshit and I am tired, sad, anxious, wanting to scream and guilty because if I had more money, to begin with, I would not be in this hellhole.

And yeah, that's where I stand right now.

If anyone would like to commission some words, icons, playlists or beta reads, please, please let me know. I would offer tarot but my head is just so far from in that place right now that I know I'd be a terrible reader.

I'm not even setting prices for anything at this point. IF you want something from me, throw money at me and an email, PM or comment and I will do you up whatever you ask for.

Paypal link is here.