I'll post the Friday meme later today but right now I need to get this out there.

[tomakeanoffer]

So, I’m assuming I don’t need to say this, but on the off chance I do, if you are someone who feels that kink is inherently sexual and/or that things that could be interpreted as kinky have no place at Pride/public events, I’ll ask that you quietly leave this space.

I’m not down for anyone imposing sexuality on me if I don’t choose it and the fact that I keep seeing this come up and people doing exactly that, is just really getting under my skin. How I get through the day, how I survive doesn't deserve to be sexualized by you, or anyone else. If you choose to engage in similar activities that get you off, that's fine, but fuck you if you think you have any right to know, or assume anything about me that I don't offer up freely.

I will goddamn survive, and if I choose to do that with a collar around my neck, so fucking be it.

Please note: This is not up for debate. I deserve to feel safe in the space I made for myself and that is what I'm doing here.

Comments

[worlds_of_smoke]

I think the problem is that kink is almost always shown as sexual during the few times it shows up in pop culture and it's really permeated the subculture. :/ I eventually deleted my FetLife account because so many people were interested in the sexual side of things and I am most definitely not interested in that.

I won't lie and say that I don't struggle to unlink kink and sex in my own head. Like any other cultural belief, it can get under your skin. But I recognize that, while I struggle to unlearn that belief, others may be further down that pathway and may be able to fully accept kink as a non-sexual thing that just happens to have sexual overtones for some people.

As far as kink at Pride... When I went to Pride, the most kink I saw was people wearing harnesses and, IIRC, one person wearing a full face mask. It didn't bother me at all and, even if it had, I'm a fucking adult and it's my job to deal with my own fucking emotions. I have no right to dictate who can go to Pride. I do believe there are groups that shouldn't be there, but that's not because they're not queer enough for Pride, but because of their hate-filled rhetoric.

[tomakeanoffer]

Oh yeah, I get that. Like, cultureal habits are a thing that happens. What I'm reacting to is the idea that, it doens't matter what you, the person involved in the kink, are saying, it is always sexual or has some kind of sexual undertoners and thus, is inappropriate for an event or situation where children can see the thing.

Note: I am absolutely willing to talk about the level of kink and adjcent things that can be on display at public events that minors are going to be at. But like, A) not inherently sexual and B) even if it was, why is it okay for straight people to do PDA all over the fucking place and the culure not act out in response but if I choose to wear a collar in a sitaion where I am going to be anxious and this is a thing that brings me comofrt, is not.

[bladespark]

I'm actually in a discussion about public kink displays right now on Fetlife, and while some people are being kinda dips about it, the general consensus is that there is nothing wrong, immortal, or bad about public displays of kink, especially things like collars. That the argument about "but they didn't consent to see that" is bullshit (somebody brought up "I didn't consent to hear children screaming, yet you're allowed to bring those in public") and that the thing that requires consent is if you need people to participate, not merely see it exists.

And also yeah, kink isn't sex. Kink goes with sex like chocolate with peanut butter, but they're not the same thing.

I think it's funny, too, because people always go "think of the children" but in my experience children think my collar is great.

[tomakeanoffer]

<3333333333 I am out of sorts and not braining for words exactly but pretty much. Just...Pretty much.

[runicmagitek]

It's always migraine inducing when you have to explain to people that kink doesn't always equate to sex. Like yes, but also no :\ sigh... people....

My brain is fried, so more or less a big all THIS to what forests_of_fire and bladespark said.

[tomakeanoffer]

No worries, friend. <3 I feel you on refried brains so, so hard right now.

[dreamerinsilico]

I've been seeing that shite a lot on tumblr, and surprise surprise, it's more fucking TERF-spearheaded, purity-obsessed, exclusionary bullshit wrapped up in "think of the children!!!11!!1!"

[tomakeanoffer]

Despite what others are doing to me and mine I won't assume anything about them. I will say that their actions are hurtful, fucked up and failing to be as inclusive as they seem to think they are.

[kendiefox]

I will goddamn survive, and if I choose to do that with a collar around my neck, so fucking be it.
THIS! So much this! I am firmly in the camp of 'whatever gets you through the day', so if I happen to walk past someone wearing a collar at the grocery store, I simply continue with my own grocery shop because their choice does not affect me directly and is therefore 0% my business.

Yeah, there's a line between what is acceptable and what's not, but there's also a big difference between a couple holding hands in public and a couple having sex in public, so the difference in acceptability of behaviors that are public and not public isn't exactly a new concept.

[dancing_serpent]

Hey, I happen to have a perfectly fitting icon for this comment! *g*

things that could be interpreted as kinky have no place at Pride/public events

Yeah, that's such bullshit, and I'm so glad I don't encounter that attitude very often. I've been a goth for almost thirty years now, and the things some of us wear in public are a lot more in the face than a simple collar, and it's still not inherently sexual - and even if it was, it's not anyone else's business.

I'm totally okay with toning things down a bit depending on a venue - I wouldn't go to the opera topless and with a cross taped over my nipples. But why shouldn't I wear a collar or leather cuffs with my evening gown? Also, especially something like Pride or a goth music festival is absolutely the place to go all out as much as you want.

[tomakeanoffer]

That is an excellent icon and an excellent brain to go with it. <3

[tomakeanoffer]

<3333333

[teaotter]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this bullshit.

[worlds_of_smoke]

My opinion on MOGAI stuff in public is basically "If straight people can do it, so can we". And, really, wearing a collar is a LOT more innocent than some of the shit straight people get away with.

[tomakeanoffer]

<3 It's been...a day. But tahnk yo so much.

[harpers_child]

I've no brain due to weather, but support and tea and a hug if you want one.

[rainydaysandmondays]

Honey, you do whatever you want ok? :)

[bookblather]

ugh. Kink has been at Pride since the BEGINNING.